The Decisions That Shape Our Lives

Every day we face dozens, if not hundreds of decisions. What should I have for breakfast? Should I call this person back? Should I spend extra time at work or take my girlfriend out for Valentine’s Day? And there are the big ones... Should I quit my job and take a chance on a whole new career? Am I ready to have children? Do I call my brother to make amends after years of hard feelings? The most influential decisions in life are either similar types of small decisions made day after day, or single large decisions. For most of us, many of these decisions are driven by four primary factors:

Our desire to avoid something unpleasant (fear).
Our desire for immediate pleasure (feels good in the moment.)
Our responding to the immediate requests and demands of others.
Our desire to work toward a higher purpose or goal.
Think back to some of the decisions you made this week. How many of them fit into one of the first three categories?

If quite a few did, that’s not necessarily bad – these are often good reasons for making decisions. However, when they make up the majority of the motivation for our choices, we invariably end up selling ourselves short. When we don’t spend enough time working toward our greater purpose or long-term goals, we deny ourselves the future we deserve. We also end up feeling more stressed and having more health problems because subconsciously we know that we are selling out on ourself.

So, What can we do about this? There are many different approaches, but one key is to strive to spend a good deal of time (40-60% for most people) being proactive in your decisions. That is, making them to work toward your greater goals in life (and based on your higher values), rather than just the motivations of the first three items on the list. As people make more decisions in this way, the biggest thing they often discover is that they are happier. They smile more, feel less stressed and get more of what they want out of life. So, why don’t more people do this? For starters, it feels like we’ll get less done since we’re taking time from the daily things we “have” to do and spending it on longer-term goals that are less urgent. While this is certainly true, after practicing this technique for a few weeks, most people find that the big-picture benefits far outweigh the perceived short-term loss, and in fact, make what seemed like a sacrifice actually become a benefit.

It’s kind of like saving money in an investment. Suppose you regularly put $100 away each month (about $3 per day, the price of a latte at Starbucks). Sure, you have less to spend on going out to dinner or buying new clothes each month. But, after 25 years, you will have probably accumulated nearly $225,000 (though you will have actually only invested about $30,000). [Note: If you want to learn more about how investing/saving can produce these kinds of results, just feel free to drop me an email.]

Decisions are an investment in your future!

Another stumbling block is certainty. We like to be sure of things. The reality of decisions is that they are not sure bets. They are just a matter of picking the choice that gives you the best chance of reaching your goals. It may be useful to remember this next time you think you’ve made a decision, but you’re not quite sure about some details. There will always be these things. The best decisions are the ones that are made and followed through with. So, overall, how many of your decisions are proactive (the ones that work toward a higher purpose or goal)? Here is my challenge to you: For the next three days, make decisions (including what to spend your time on) based on proactive goals and not out of reactivity (the first three items on the list). This can really be a profound experience for some people. Please, let me know what you learn.

Al Lipper offers Personal Life and Small Business Coaching services for holistic people seeking life balance, small business professionals, and men's issues. Contact him for a complimentary session to find out how he can accelerate you towards getting the life you want. http://www.destinysuccess.com